My New Macbook...

So I paid over $750 for this refurbished black macbook and I can't tell you how excited I was when I got it 2 weeks earlier than I expected it. However, I forgot to do something slightly important. I didn't pray about it. I never asked god what He thought I should do with it. all I thought about was how cool I would look with this super awesome macbook and how great it would be over getting a pc. Well, I'm sure the cool factor will still be there and yeah there's less maintenence, but I'm not feeling right about the purchase. I feel so wrong about it and I almost wish that I hadn't ordered it. My parents let me do it and it was with money that I had. I don't think that they had any intention of stopping me. I have to make my own decisions now. Which is good. But it sucks at the same time. I really pray God, that you will help me get to know this laptop before I change anything else about it. I lift it up to you, as silly as it sounds, and give it back for Your glory. You're the whole reason I was able to get it so it should only be used for things that glorify You. I'm Yours God and I'll never do a thing without your counsel first. Forgive me for my hasty decision and for not asking Your opinion on anything lately. Help me God. You ARE important to me and You deserve the right for me to show it publicly. Help me to make wiser decisions and not to be so prideful. I'm so so so sorry God. I feel like crying. I'm Yours. All Yours. Help me to be wise about EVERYTHING i do. I love you God. So much. Help me find a job God. Please. Something that I can be good at and understand. I am very willing to learn and I am smart. Please show me where to apply and grant me favor in places that I do apply. I pray for rejection where neccessary as well as acceptance. I will not give up. I pray that wherever I end up working, that I will have fun and enjoy the work I do and get along well with the people there. I would really like that. But I know that not all jobs will be fun and easy and especially enjoyable. I understand. I love You and I trust You fully. I know that You won't let me down and You know what's best for me. Help me to remember that. Guilt me up God. Till my laziness can't stand it anymore. Till I can barely move without doing what You desire for me. No matter what God. I will follow You. Thank You for everything God. And for fixing my computer :D. I love You!

Kinda sucks that this is the first post on my new blog but, oh well.

I'm not happy. One friend....only one. In a 30 mile radius...one friend. I'm putting myself out there! I'm about to start going to a new church, I'm applying for jobs and I'm about to finish my school application so I'm not just sitting idly by watching the world pass. I'm being proactive! I talk to people I haven't talked to in months! I apply for jobs that I'm freaking afraid of and I'm already out of my comfort zone. I'm not sure how I managed to lose someone as a friend when, last time I checked they were planning on visiting me in Austin and that was only two months ago. Can things really change that fast? Can relationships fall apart that fast? Why? This is so stupid! someone says he will call, two days later when he doesn't I text him, and he says he'll call, two days later I'm sitting in the same spot continuing to tell myself that I'm better. I need better. I deserve better. My friends? Slow progress. My church? Don't have one yet. I'm looking intently though. I don't want to be involved in a bunch of things that I don't even want to do! I want get fed. I've been pouring for two years and now is my chance to rest and people start asking me to do stuff! Things that I've said time and time again that I don't feel called to do and I straight up don't want to do them. Why it possessed them that right after I graduate I would want to get involved in a ministry that I barely support. Kids ministry is great yes. Me working with kids ministry not so great. For the kids or me. I'll get drained easily. Can't I just rest?!?!?!?! No, No subbing. No fill in. I don't want any part of it. I just want to be. Is that too much to ask for? People are nagging me. Pressuring me. Volunteering is something that I want to want to be a part of. Not someone voluntelling me to do something. I'm freaking 20! Let me make some of my own decisions!